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Six weeks. Where has the time gone? It feels like both yesterday and a year ago at the same time. What’s even wilder is that they’ve consumed over 1,300 ounces of milk, which corresponds to us already having gone through over 600 diapers.
What a whirlwind. Here we are, finally, after 3:30 p.m., with both of them asleep at the same time. I’m finally sitting down to have a bite to eat, pump (an hour and a half late), and squeeze in about an hour of work before the big brother comes back and the evening activities pick up. To some, this may seem overwhelming; to others, it might seem trivial. To me, it’s part of the new normal. No complaints—just learning as we go and grow.
Is it hard? It’s demanding and time-consuming more than physically or mentally difficult, but it tests you mentally. My mind hasn’t been this challenged in a while and is yearning for the familiar. You have to reassess what a "successful, productive" day looks like. Some days, it’s simply getting everyone out of the house. Other days, it’s putting away all the laundry. And some days, it's finally managing to take that shower you've been trying to take since morning.
Is it tiring? It’s exhausting and energizing all at once. The body is incredible in how it learns to cope with what it’s given. That said, our saving grace has been having a night nurse three times a week for several weeks, which has allowed us to feel like human beings 40% of the time. We find excitement and energy in seeing the changes in them every day, sometimes even between naps.
During this time, I’ve learned to just "be." Be patient as it takes time to feed, burp, change, and resettle little ones, only to do it all over again in a couple of hours. Be present, knowing I’m exactly where I need to be, with all the tools to keep these boys safe, healthy, and loved. Be accepting of being a bit later, messier, and less put together than usual. And also be accepting of where my body is versus where I thought I’d be. But at the same time, be proud of all my body has gone through and created—grateful for these little miracles in front of me—and fully in the moment, capturing these memories for a lifetime.
With all that said, I am ecstatic to begin my journey to the new me as I focus on restoring my core and rebuilding my strength. Call me crazy (and I take no offense to the haters), but the newborn phase is not my favorite. These little babies have torn my body apart, left me exhausted, and, as of yet, don’t give much back (no smiles, no laughs, no coos, no eye contact). I feel a bit like a shell. So, I’m personally very excited to feel sore for a new reason and begin to find my new normal.
For all you mamas in the early stages of motherhood, I feel you. Although it may feel it at times, we are not alone. There is a village that wants to support us, help us, and love us through these times. Make sure you are talking to adults not just children, checking in with yourself, finding joy in places you may not have seen before.
It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, it’s overwhelming. It’s ok to feel like a shell, but now let’s fill those insides as you rediscover your new power.
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