03 Stop Playing the Victim

Definition of a victim is a person who is tricked or duped. An alternative definition is a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action (Oxford).

Does any of that match up to you? No. Ok, now let’s look at the definition of ‘playing the victim.’ Victim playing is the fabrication or exaggeration of victimhood for a variety of reasons such as to justify abuse of others, to manipulate others, a coping strategy, attention-seeking or diffusion of responsibility (Wikipedia).

How about now? When is the last time you put blame on others, other external factors for your current state? When did you use some excuse as the reason you haven’t been able to achieve your goals or be how you want to be?

I think we can all admit that we have done this once or twice. But we need to get out of that mindset. We are not helpless. We are capable. The world is not out to get us. We are not the victim. We are the drivers.

We are responsible for all of our failures. We are therefore also directly responsible for our successes. We are in control.

So let’s try to shift our mindset using the following few areas.

Have vs Be
When thinking about the world around us there is our circle of control and circle of influence. The circle of control incorporates all external factors that we don’t have control over. Circle of influence is what we are able to control within our own life. That is the area of proactivity. That is where change happens.

Circle of Concern focuses on issues outside of them that are blocking them such as. “If only I had more money. If I have more time, If I had a better boss, If I was 10 years younger.” The list can go on. They speak to the hypothetical. The ifs. They allow the things out of their control, control their mindset.

Instead, try to focus on the circle of influence. Think about the proactive mindset. “I can work harder, I can be more resourceful, I can be more patient, I can be understanding.” And the list goes on. These are actions, feelings, states of mind all within our control. No victim. No settling.

Excuse, Lie, Succeed
Think about all of the excuses you have used in the past that have been used as your safety net, your coping strategy, your reason to try and make you feel like it wasn’t your fault that you didn’t get where you want to be.

They’re all lies. You are the one in the driver’s seat. You are responsible for your failures. You are also responsible for your successes. You need to understand that first. Be honest with yourself about what you didn’t do. Why you are responsible for the outcome.

Now think about how you could overcome each of those excuses. You are fully capable. You have all that you need. What will you do to make sure of it. How can you turn that excuse into a reason.

Happening To Me vs For Me
Oftentimes when we are down in the dumps, we may think that the world is out to get us. That everything that is happening is personally happening to you. Shift that mindset. It’s not personal. Unfortunately, the world is not fair, and we can only do so much. We can’t control the situation, but we can control our reactions and our responses, that is our respons-ibility.

We are able to assess, analyze, and take action.

So now think of those instances. Change the question from why is this happening to me to why is this happening for me? What can I learn from this? How can I grow? How can I pivot to succeed?

You are not a victim. You have all that you need. Turn your excuses into reasons, into points to prove wrong, into actionable successes. I believe in you.